VANCOUVER • Findings in a new Phaser Institute study suggest it might be time to stop feeling sorry for the poor and start getting angry at them. The report claims that the underclass are not only responsible for creating the country's crushing debt, they are also dragging down the average standard of living of each and every Canadian.

Institute director Michael (Sky) Walker stated, "Our sophistic macro-economic research shows that if poor people were rich, they would contribute more to national economic output and increase government revenues." The result would be a substantially higher federal revenues without the need to increase tax rates, claimed Skywalker.

Rectal-linear regressive analysis of Statistics Canada data from the last 20 years provides compelling evidence that if only half of poor people had been rich during that period, Canada would be debt-free today. "The irrefutable conclusion from our research," Walker said, "is that poor people were to blame for our national debt spiralling out of control."

Walker explained how this problem affects our country's standard of living. "It is statistically significant that if the poor got off their lazy asses and earned a lot more money, the average income of all Canadians would increase dramatically."

In closing, Walker noted that there is a simple solution to this problem-- radically lower income tax rates for high earners. He said this will "encourage more poor people to be rich."