VICTORIA • BC Liberal premier Gordon Campbell triumphantly announced the completion of his government's 90-day corporate agenda in Victoria. He also took the opportunity to bask in the warm media glow of sunny coverage from a wide spectrum of Canadian billionaire-owned news conglomerates.

"During the election we promised BC a new era of hope and prosperity, and now we have delivered with prosperity for wealthy corporate elites and a snowball's hope in hell for working people that their treasured health and social programs won't be cut in the future," crowed Campbell.

"Average BCers voted for change and we gave them lots more pocket change with our tax cuts -- a tidy five toonies a week," Campbell said, "but BC's millionaire CEOs will be burdened with an unwieldy $30,000 a year of bulky paper money."

Campbell fumed that "some has-been political hacks whine that our agenda is only about cuts," but he pledged "to invest in key areas, such as the Premier's Office -- which has already received an 800% budget increase over the niggardly previous regime."

The premier highlighted some proud moments in his government's 90-day business blitzkrieg including:

• Increased government efficiency by reducing traditional 100 day agenda to only 90 days.
• Ended NDP fudge-it budget fiascos and ushered in the exciting new era of Liberal budget flub-it forecasts (minister admitted mini-budget growth estimates 27% too high).
• Cut green tape by chopping the BC environment commissioner, slicing the Green Economy Secretariat and burning initiatives to reduce greenhouse gases.
• Cut immigrant services and ignited a blaze of celebratory cross-burnings.
• Made school libraries safe from government-subsidized BC books.
• Enabled conservationists to sleep at night knowing that grizzly hunters are being brought back from the brink of extinction in BC.
• Righted economic priorities with massive tax cut for the rich balanced by micro tax trim for the masses (top 3% of earners get 30% of tax cut).
• Ensured businesses get smokin' profits and workers get smoke in their eyes (and Labour minister promised no bar employees will get cancer before April).
• Unveiled largest cabinet and second largest deficit in BC history - both topping pathetic NDP's best efforts.
• Affirmed commitment to more open and democratic government by denying official opposition status to the only other elected party in the legislature, then announcing pharmacare cuts and recanting budget flub-it projections immediately AFTER end of legislative session.
• Spent not an extra penny for nurses' wages but lavished double digit raises on Government Caucus Committee chairs and Deputy Ministers (including the former President of the BC Liberal party).
• Preserved forest industry jobs by fast-tracking the logging of spotted owl sites at Siwash Creek.
• Saved health care from public sector management by preannouncing cuts to seniors' pharmacare and privatisation of health services.
• Encouraged youth self-reliance by axing provincial child-care program.
• Enhanced commuting experience in Vancouver by keeping busses from blocking roads for ten weeks and reducing taxes on SUVs.
• Strengthened the integrity of physician-based medical services by eliminating nutritional supplements for AIDs patients and removing protection for alternative therapies.
• Improved consumer protection by repealing requirements for direct marketers to be licensed and credit reporting agencies to be registered.
• Empowered BC Civil Service Merit Pay Commissioner to ensure the meritorious Liberal insiders get paid back for loyal service.
• Established 100% non-aboriginal committee to draft referendum ensuring all BC racists get equal kick at the aboriginal treaty can.
• Mandated future government performance on corporate agenda to be monitored by balanced and diverse 16 member BC Progress Board which includes 16 CEOs.