Conrad Black and Hollinger Inc. are expanding their $500,000 defamation suit filed last month against NDP MP Lorne Nystrom. The revised court documents name additional defendants including: the NDP party, member unions of the Canadian Labour Congress, anyone making fun of Black or his suit size, and the left. In addition, the statement of claim includes an enhanced request for punitive damages of $5 billion for "grievous ideological harm."

The original suit sought damages from Nystrom after he fell victim to a prank by Frank magazine and issued a press release accusing Hollinger of being "a corporate welfare bum" because it had received a human resource grant to send an executive to the "Cleese Institute of Heraldry" in London.

Chairman Black stated at the press conference that "the whingeing lobotomous lackey left of this country have foisted their monstrous fraud of a 'caring and compassionate society' on right-thinking Canadians for far too long. They may now regret their corrupt and imbecilic dogma, but their silly social programs have irreparably depressed the profits of billionaires like myself. It is time they learned there is a price to pay for being left."

When asked if the suit was a libel-chill strategy to silence his critics, Black snorted, "Libel chill is for cowardly and impotent bullies. We fully intend to amputate this country's gangrenous vestigial left-wing in a juridical first strike."

Hollinger lawyers have also introduced a motion to have their civil suit declared a class action. "There is no doubt that the entire capitalist class was besmirched and devalued by this evil conspiracy, so we believe that a class action is the appropriate conveyance for this suit," said lead counsel, G. Reed Good.