NEW YORK • The Survivor phenomenon that swept through the US television world like a powerful typhoon and changed their media landscape forever has arrived in Canada. The moguls of Hollywood North are vying for victory in this winner-take-all survival-of-the-biggest media circus.

In the Canadian version of the show, nine blood-thirsty corporate competitors are stranded on an isolated tropical island to fend for themselves in a dog-eat-dog battle for supremacy.

The ruthless castaway CEOs, who hail from a cross-section of Canadian media conglomerates, have been organized into three tribes. Ken, Jean and Claude are the Online Tribe - they battle the Broadcast Tribe of Izzy, Ted and JR, as well as the Print Tribe of Pierre, Conrad and Arthur. Tribe members take turns foraging for food and tending to their primitive accommodations.

The hunter-gatherers bravely head into the hostile wilderness armed only with the silver spoons they were born with. The castaways are forced to subsist on any disgusting prey that they can find in the bewildering jungle buffet next to the swimming pool-- including smelly fish eggs, rancid goose liver, garlic snails and non-vintage champagne.

Meanwhile, back at the rustic split-level bungalows of the tropical resort, the rest of the tribe are trying to cope with the mere four-star service that does not allow for private jacuzzis or personal masseuses.

Every day the CEO castaways participate in a variety of competitions to test their skill and mettle. The downsizing derbies, merger mud-wrestling, sack races, takeover tug-of-wars and asset-strip-poker games separate the mere CEOs from the true mind-over-mogul masters.

Peaceful coexistance and "strategic alliances" are allowed among the castaways but cutthroat competition and back-room back-stabbing are the real basis of their relationships. Because you don't become a billionaire media baron though corny community service and friendly handshakes.

At the end of every week, all the CEO castaways assemble for a Corporate Capitalism Convergence Council. A crack jury of IPO analysts, leveraged buyout specialists and merchant bankers decide which CEO has failed in his duty as a corporate predator and must leave the island. The mogul who is voted off can keep his multi-billion dollar golden parachute, but he earns the scorn and derision of his peers' journalistic minions.

At the end of the series, the lone Ultimate Survivor will be crowned King of Korporate Konvergence. Their prize will be the virtually unlimited power and political influence of a complete Canadian media monopoly.

All Canadians should be proud of this patriotic Survivor programme. In no other western democracy could you assemble such a stellar cast of only nine billionaires who control 90% of the country's daily newspapers, television networks, cable systems, and high-speed internet access, as well as a huge chunk of its radio waves and most of its major world-wide-web portals. And only in Canada is it legal for the lone survivor to own it all.

Last week's episode:

Everyone had been expecting Ken to be the first rat to abandon ship, so it was a shocking twist when Conrad was voted off the island. Conrad had only wanted to shed a few debt-soaked spare-tires that he said were slowing him down.

But Conrad had a tough week: first losing a crucial takeover tug-of-war with Izzy, then the post-takeover asset-strip-poker game revealed he was only half-a-mogul.

He may have slunk away with his tail between his legs, but the baron of bombast could take comfort in the fact that his undigestable meal of crow made him a rightful, undisputed, world-class billionaire.

Conrad's parting shot: "the rejoicing of my critics is premature."